my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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