i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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