dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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