Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
