Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
