Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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