don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
