That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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