Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
