Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
