she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
