I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
