I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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