he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
