You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
