you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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