grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
