I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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