My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
