all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
