I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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