I wish I could teleport
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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