I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
