I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
