I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
