Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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