he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
