i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let's get the cat blown out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
