we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
