You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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