We're like a lot better than the average bears
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
