I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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