I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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