She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
