i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
