There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
