I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
