I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
