Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
