True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
