i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
