Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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