Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
