I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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