my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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