ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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