the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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