By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
