I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
