Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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