you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
