Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
