My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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