Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
