so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
